When you are sad

When you are sad

Have you experience this?

You are struggling with something. You try very very hard. Never stop and never give up til you are feeling so tired. You feel like you want to cry. But, no! You can't. You have to be strong. Yes, stay strong. But, deep inside you, you are worried. And you cried already. Yet, you can't show it to people that you are weak.

Until, your eyes catch the appearance of your love ones. Or until that someone, i mean very very close to you comes to you. And say, "Hey, what happened? Are you alright?". Then, that is the moment everything like bursting out and you know that you are not alright at all. You are just pretending to be alright. And you cry on her/his shoulder like you never cry before.

Well, I am actually not talking about myself. I am talking about Sufia. Something happened at school yesterday. I was there picking her up from the child care, earlier than usual. I watched her secretly until when the teacher told her that I was there already ready to picked her up. And suddenly, she ran to me with all the tears. Her teacher said, "Sufia, you never cry before, what is wrong. Is there anything makes you unhappy?". Sufia just kept it quite and she hugged me. I knew what was happening. It wasn't something bad, but its just that, she felt so tired with what she had to faced. And she need to keep running, tried to catch it the best she can. But, it was very hard.

I know what it feels like, because Phd has taught me that. Always try to be strong, always try to keep everything to myself. Always try to hold the tears. But, when it comes to a few magic moments when my husband hugs me, when my stress level has rise to the very top of the ceiling, I will burst everything like crazy. I never cry so loudly before. Never. Until I do my PhD. And I hope its worth it.


***Hold on.